Its been Two months now to the day since our newest been “Baby E” has graced us with his presence. Now let me just come out and say it…in all honesty… contrary to what almost everyone has told me, “I do not have it all figured out!”
Ever since I started showing with baby E in my belly to this very day, conversations usually go like this:
person A: “Oh when are you due?” / “Oh how old is the little one?”
Me: Respective answer
person A: “is this your first one?”
Me: NO, I have another son at home
person A: “oh so you’ve got it all figured out!” / “Oh so you know how everything is done already!”
Me: (insert reluctant giggle and swift exit)
As supportive as those strangers were trying to be, those words always sent a piercing worry down my spine. I’d start questioning myself, do I have it figured out? Probably not! Why do I feel this lingering pressure that just because I’ve been down that road before that I should now know what to do? When in fact…truth be told…I didn’t know what to do .
I have a two year old with a new one coming and yup, I felt CLUELESS! Ok yeah i knew how to change a diaper and swaddle (somewhat) and all that stuff, but being confident that I could properly, care for, nurture, provide for, entertain this new little one? well that feeling wasn’t all there yet. And after two months of being with this little bean, I’ll be the first one to say that it still isn’t all there yet
But what I have learned from my first go around and dealing with the added pressure of people expecting me to know it all, is that its ok to not feel confident in all of that yet. I think that if you were completely confident in all your abilities as a new mom, or a second/third go around mom, and you weren’t worried about what lies ahead on your road of parenthood, then I’d be worried for you. This worry, this doubt in your innate abilities as a mom, in the end, is a sign that you care, that you want to make sure you do your absolute best for your little one and its what drives you to learn, to embark on that daily journey in studying your little one’s every move. The worry, the fear, its natural and what Im trying to be better at this time around is to use it productively and not let it cripple me.
I had a unique experience when my first son was born. My Dad was gracious enough to spend that time off I had during maternity leave with me to help me out. Hubby wasn’t able to stay home because he had a new job at the time. But my Dad was there day and night (yes night time wakings too) and he was a great blessing! I was able to rest, get some stuff done in the house, step away when I needed to. In turn, my son still to this day is forever attached to my dad #bestiesforever (it is the cutest thing ever) but when my second little one came, It really felt like it was my first go around at this new parent stuff- doing it “all on our own”. My husband was able to stay home with me for the first month and a half, and as tiring as it was (and still is) it was so much fun trying to figure it out together. On top of that trying to figure out how to manage life with two kids (still work in progress lol). Hubby went back to work last week and I embarked on a new part of the journey – doing it “all on my own”. This is the first time I stayed home with bebe all by myself. Im a big girl-parent now! and as daunting as it still is, and as much as I am still trying to figure out, I look forward to it.
So yes, my name is Annaliese and I am a second time mom but No, I don’t have it all figured out and I wouldn’t have it any other way